Thanksgiving at the north pole

 Okay so it's not like we went to Canada, but the view from this window sure leads one to believe that they have definitely entered northen territory! Idaho is as white and as cold as can be, and for that I am actually grateful. If not for this nasty weather, I would still be in complete denial that the holiday season has crept up on us. At home, we have still been watering the flowers and playing at the park. Awesome, but not exactly festive feeling!We arrived here on Monday and have been enjoying the r and r so much that we bumped our flights from Friday to this coming Monday. I was here for 5 days before I even as much as went outside! Relaxation was needed. Mom has spent the entire holiday in the kitchen, whipping up a fantastic Thanksgiving dinner. Brad added a port wine reduction to the menu, and I attempted a chocolate souffle that we really could have done without, considering it took 10 billion hours to make ;-0 Boo.

Aussie and Molly 

3 little princesses

best friends

Grandma and Grandpa R. getting their baby time

Maddy

Mom took me shopping for my bday, and we made a killer jello cake with a dairy-free, soy-free cake mix. Yeah buddy. We are celebrating Bailee's big number 8 tomorrow. No winter holiday would be complete without the family getting a cold, right? Aussie got the worst of it, but he is pulling through just fine. Logan, Bailee, and Ella have spent most days as well as nights together playing their hearts out. Grandpa checked Logs' tooth to see if it was ready to come out, and pop! Go figure, he flicked it right out. Logan loves being here with family and snow. I don't know how he'll ever want to get back in the swing once we get home. What sweet chaos it is to have 3 babies under 1 roof at the same time! Little Kate is the tiniest, most fragile thing i've ever seen. At almost 3 weeks old, she is still 5 lb, 11 oz. She's such a peaceful little babe. Molly and Austin could not possibly be more different. They are both at such a fun age! Molly looks at you with those huge eyes, and then looks away as fast as she can. She is so bashful! Her cry is more like a polite squeak, and her expressions are consistently skiddish and hilarious. She is such a sweet, soft-spoken, quiet, petite little thing. She sleeps like a champ.

And then, well there's Austin. He is the loudest baby i've ever listened to. He talks and laughs and smiles without pausing for air when awake. It's very comical to hear him speak his mind to everyone. Seriously, kid's got pipes. He is sooo happy when he's happy. On the contrary, he is soooo mad when he's mad. Poor little guy is still just not an expert when it comes to winding down and sleeping. And who knows what is happening in his stomach. Reflux is fine. I took him off of goat's milk and back to neocate, and now on to soy. Nothing really changes his tummy trouble, if that's what it is. His naps are very brief and he still 'accidentally' wakes up after a little bit of sleep. The family has completely restored my sanity by helping me with him so much. After waking up 6-10 times a night, they take him and let me crawl back into bed until the late morning. My momma has taken him into her room for a few of the nights. PRICELESS is the sleep I have been getting. So nervous to go back home! I love being so entertained by this baby, and it's a good thing that he is so funny, or I would be losing my mind:-) I am excited about the fact that he will eventually outgrow his mystery issues. Logan made drastic improvements by 6 months old, and started sleeping by 7 months. I'll cross my fingers!

I will definitely miss being here with the babies and the girls that provide Logan with endless entertainment. I love checking out of everyday life once in a while. But i'm excited to get home to Braddo for a day before he takes off to Whistler for a ski trip later this week. Christmas is coming, whether i'm ready or not, so bring on December! Man, saying that just gave me a side ache.

once a day keeps the grouchies away....

Fall is really here!

Brrrrrrh. It's cold. What an odd phenomenon after so much heat. I am blown away that I find myself in the end of October, with no clue as to where August and September went! I am looking forward to the holidays so that we can be with family and new babies! My days seem to come and go way too quickly, blending together without much to tell them apart! The days of checking off a million to-do items are gone for now, which is good for me. I am learning to relax a little, and get used to the fact that Austin entirely sets the pace for me now. We all get fed and showered every day, and the laundry is always going. And once in a while we even have some fun. I think that pretty much covers needs, right?!


Logan is doing great in school, and i have been spending a lot of time there myself. I wish I would have looked up the definition of "room mom" before i was so eager to volunteer! Holy smokes. The school just put on a humongous fall carnival that was tons and tons of work. The kids all had a blast and i'm glad that it's over! Logs has been playing with a lot of friends lately and doing a lot of homework. He spoke in church with us a few weeks ago- got up there and read a 5 minute talk almost all by himself. That was a proud moment for dad and I. He is extremely helpful with the laundry, dishes, and picking up around the house. Logan gave us a good scare this week with a little concussion that he got from falling head-first on tile at a friend's house. Good thing his head is as hard as a rock! It withstood the trauma well, like it always does!

Now you see Austin's hair....

Now you don't! It all fell out in 2 week's time.

I love hot tub time with momma!

Austin is now 4 months old! Sheesh, he is growing up so very fast. He weighs 14.5 pounds and is all but bald. He is SUCH a talker and always finds humor in specific things, like his dad's face and the dog's bark. He enjoys singing and can't keep quiet while i'm talking on the phone;) We've made a few more break-throughs lately. I've been hosting a battle of the formulas in my home for the last month. Conclusion? I still don't have enough milk to feed my poor baby for a whole day, or we wouldn't have a problem to begin with. Soy formula is uber, super, duper constipating.  And nasty. Nutramigen, well he's allergic to it because it still isn't broken down enough for his milk allergy. It made him not a happy camper, to say the least. Elecare, the expensive stuff, tastes and smells bad enough that the dog runs the other way. But Austin can tolerate it,because it is broken down into amino acids. He will drink it if he is super hungry, and if it's spiked with a little sugar. What an adventure feeding a baby can be! I am just so glad that his reflux is getting a lot better and that I have the time to try to get enough milk to feed him. He is getting to a very fun stage. And the BEST news is that he is NAPPING peacefully! I can get him to fall asleep in his bassinett for atleast 30-45 min. at a time. That is huge. Yay!

Brad is enjoying the biking world. Yes, St. George got the best of him and he now wears spandex like the rest of them. I am so glad that he has discovered a love for a hobbie that doesn't require him to go to a gym. Braddo is NOT a fan of the gym, but is loving hitting the road. Of course, he doesn't go in the morning like a normal human being. Instead, he takes of at around 10:00 pm and gets back when the world is asleep. He's just trying to stay consistent with the Harker night habits. Speaking of Harkers, Val just got back from Isreal and Egypt! What an experience she had. I'll post some pics when I get my hands on some.

Max won't pee outside on the rocks anymore, now that it's getting cold. So I tried a doggie litter box. It failed miserably. So on to the Potty Patch! What a rip off for a few sheets of plastic, but I think it's working. Seriously, will Max ever get his potty problems solved? My guess is that when we move to a house with grass and a doggie door, he will become a low-maintenance creature.

More family pics from Idaho

Simplicity needed

What an unexpected week this has shaped up to be. But first, let me say that I could listen to conference a dozen more times and still feel overwhelmed by the amount of messages that were exactly the things that I needed to hear. Fresh air, all of it. Isn't it amazing that our leaders can prepare thoughts for the whole world that seem like they were meant specifically for us? It's nice to know that we are all in this together. I have to speak in sacrament on Elder Uchedorf's talk. I was moved by his challenge to simplify/prioritize, in order to return back to nailing down the fundamentals in life; to feel accomplished and satisfied without the need for all of the distractions. He quoted good old Leonardo DaVinci by saying, "Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." Love it. It's going on the wall, mormon vinyl style.

I'll be needing to take his advice to heart if I want to get along with myself for the next 7 days. Brad just left town for a hunting trip with all the boys in my family. Thanks dad. Can't wait to see my state when Brad next walks back through that door! Let's shoot for sane.

So Austin is now 3 1/2 months old, and he has the sweetest little disposition. He loves, loves, loves being talked to by his brother and dad. He despises his carseat. He soaks through size 1 diapers in no time at all. He has lost all of his hair on top in a matter of 3 days. He goes crazy in the bath, dancing and kicking until he's exhausted. He has thrush for the 4th time, and a nasty cold. I did not know that newborns could get sick. So sad! He definitely likes his momma, and loves to eat (hence the weighing in at 14 pounds). He doesn't like to eat from his momma, so I pump because he won't settle down to nurse. I've been tempted to throw the towel in on nursing, but I haven't dared yet. Good thing, because an allergist in Vegas gave Aussie a RAST test yesterday and discovered that he is allergic to milk and eggs. So he wouldn't be able to tolerate formula anyway, unless it were the $40/can of stinky Elecare. The EGG issue sure sheds some light on the discomfort that seems separate from his reflux. I eat 3 eggs every day. So HOPEFULLY, no more eggs will mean a lot less screaming and stinky gas from Austin. Poor baby tries so hard to be smiley and sweet, but he just has a really hard time with his food. I feel hopeful for continued improvement. His cute sounds and giggles make the rest seem not so bad :-)

One more thing that is worth journaling: I feel like I am in the movie, 'Arachanaphobia". The rains have literally driven the creatures to our home. We have found atleast 10 scorpions inside the house and in the courtyard this past week. Three of them have been the length of my hand. I"M NOT EXAGGERATING. Wait, this gets better. I went to take Max out today, and there was a big juicy scorpion by the front door, and he likes to try to attack them. So I took him out through the garage instead. I walk into the garage, and what do I see but a TARANTULA, also the size of my hand. Really?? I didn't know that we lived in Tarantula land. So I throw a box over it, get over the shock, and take him down the sidewalk just in time to meet an even bigger tarantula. Needless to say, we went back inside. Oh, and my girlfriend got bit by a rattlesnake on their Sunday walk this past weekend. Ya gotta love the desert.

About those trials....

I feel like if I don't write some thoughts down, I just might combust. Several people have popped into my life lately. One is a dear friend who has MS. She always answers my how are you question with, "I'm happy, how are you?" And she's being honest. The girl is totally at peace amidst her disease and 4 children. Another man's physical pain has made him feel like ending his life at this point. He just wants to be done because he doesn't know how to go on. But he's just having a moment, and will pull through because he is naturally strong. I know another someone who has lost the ability to work to support his young family because of his back pain. He's desperate for a solution. I feel like writing a book about chronic pain and the hope that you can beat it, but I can't write a book about something that I have not yet conquered for good. And i'd never really do that anyway. But I CAN blog about it. Stephanie Nielson (NieNie) is my absolute hero. Read about her and you'll understand. She embraces her trial, instead of shunning it. She doesn't blame herself for it. She doesn't minimize the difficulty of it, but doesn't whine about it either. She is past the phase of getting desperately upset and needing others to constantly re-assure her that she is doing a good job and that it will be okay. She has woven the good and the bad into one, big, whole experience that is her life.  nieniedialogues.blogspot.com 

What if, just what if, we could embrace our big, fat, ugly trials (until they go away) and let them become part of what makes our life good? No more guilt, no more emotional upheaval. Just an acceptance that it has come into our life for a reason, and then peace, faith, and more faith. In fact, so much faith that all will be well, that it spreads to those who love you the most. Then they cope with the trial better as a ripple effect. What a concept. Great in theory, nearly insurmountable, but possible. Definitely possible. 

So here's what I've got going for myself in one of my realities.
Reality #1: I feel strong. My mind and my heart are happy. I look around me every day, full of gratitude for our circumstances. We are without tragedy in our family circle. Brad has a wonderful job. We have a home and plenty of food and all the resources to meet our needs. We live in a beautiful town with amazing weather every day. I get to gaze out at mountains and blue sky that are totally waiting to be enjoyed. My children are smart, strong, healthy, and thriving. In fact, I have a beautiful new babe that has been much anticipated. Our family is happy. Our parents and siblings are all doing well. I live in America, the land of abundance for crying out loud! That alone comes with a shmorgashborg of benefits. I smile as I enjoy all of these blessings along with all of our modern-day conveniences. AND, AND, we have so much truth just floating all around us from knowing the gospel. All those truths bring so much fulfillment and meaning and purpose to the daily rat race. Again, I smile at all of this. MOST OF ALL, I am completely astounded at the angels around me. God is so present in our lives. He sends people to me all the time to bail me out. His help has been so prevalent that I am finally recognizing it for what it is. His goodness keeps on going without cease.

Reality #2: My poor family. My poor husband. Is he ever getting the short end of the stick. None of them are getting enough attention because I am completely exhausted and warn down from my "problem". Having my sweet baby has re-injured my body. I knew it could happen, I was just convinced that it wouldn't because I DID NOT have the courage to face it again. I got pretty much over it once, and that's all I could handle. But here I am. I'm going to the chiropractor and a structural therapist rolfer guy(a.k.a the guy who pushes me to my physical breaking point) each twice a week. I am getting prolotherapy which is the magic potion that will cure me. I got 18 shots yesterday and screamed like a small child. The experience was truly traumatizing, but I know the payoff, so I will keep going. I am constantly giving myself pep-talks to get me through the day. My level of pain determines everything I do in a day and how I do it. If I try to be tough, I inevitably pay the consequences. I conjure up these great ideas in my oh-so idealistic mind for what can or should get done, and it rarely happens because it becomes a physical impossiblity as the day wears on. My baby needs me to be my A game almost as much as Logan does. But guess what happens almost every day. This is the REAL KICKER for me. I get help from other people constantly. Ask anyone who lives around me down here, and they'll report that for some reason, Andrea just really needs an extra hand. I get SO upset and embarrassed that I have to STILL ask for so much help, after  the years of doing it before. Really, can I not just get it done myself? I feel like I have such a never-ending list of debts to pay. It's overwhelming. And you know what? I am sick of doing this. I'm so over feeling like just in case someone doesn't understand, i'd better explain myself each time so that it doesn't seem so weird that i'm asking for help again.
I have learned how do deal with chronic pain. I have learned how not to let it break me. It's been proven that i'll be healed from it. I am learning so much about attitude and perspective. I can see a lot of reasons why I need this trial to shape me. But I can not get past the guilt and the shame. Am I sure that i'm not doing something to bring this on myself? What am I doing wrong? Why am I putting my family through this? AND HOW AM I GOING TO STOP BRINGING OTHER PEOPLE DOWN SO THAT I CAN SURVIVE?

What a trip- to live in two different worlds that somehow have to co-exist. Kind of exciting to figure it out. Kind of exhausting to remind ourselves that our trials are going to weave themselves together into one big whole that becomes the story of how we become the people we hope to someday be. For now, i'm just tired of it all. I just want it to magically go away. And I wish us all luck....!!

Blessing Day Part 2....

More pics of the special weekend. Also, we had to give Orin and Val a Halloween preview!

Austin's Blessing Day

The weather in St. George was really great for the babies this weekend! They enjoyed catching some rays in the hot tub and hanging out in their bouncers while we enjoyed some hands-free time. The boys all went boating while we got food ready for Sunday. Here is some footage of Logan's wakeboarding run!

Today was a special day for the Harker clan! Little Austin was blessed by daddy at our church, followed by a brunch at our house with family and friends. Grandma Tammy and Grandpa Curtis came down for the weekend with Rachel and baby Molly. The other Ferney kids couldn't make it down this time. But Grandma Val and Grandpa Orin were here for the weekend as well. We ate a lot of great food and had lots of laughs over the past few days. Logan got to spend an entire day with Grandpa Curtis while the girls went shopping, and we swam and barbequed out at the ledges once Harkers got to town.

 The very sweetest, most miraculous part of this event has been little Austin's improvement. That little guy has been the most uncomfortable and difficult baby the past two months! He has a killer case of acid reflux, which translates to bouncing, rocking, and holding constantly. I have been absolutely exhausted.The kiddo couldn't nap unless I was holding him, and even then, his sleep was interrupted with stomach and throat trouble every few minutes. I have learned that NONE of the rules apply for reflux babies. They can't do scheduled feedings, or schedules anything for that matter. It's mostly about damage control- you do what you can to keep them calm and comfortable as much as possible. I have had a difficult time trusting my own instincts, because all the other babies around me are so much more easily pacified than my guy. This Monday he went in for an upper-GI so that we could be sure that no other complications existed. The flouroscopy showed the reflux problem very clearly, so we continued with yet another trial of medication and thank the heavens, he has started to become a different little baby! I am feeling so relieved and dazzled by the fact that I have put my baby down on his wedge in his bassinet for a nap 3 times this weekend! AND HE SLEEPS! WAHOO! I pump to feed, which keeps his feedings much more calm and slow. Aussie is smiling all the time, and laughing too. He is as noisy as ever, but I am tickled that the noises of milk splatting on the floor have been largely replaced by coos and awws!

Austin's baby pics.... 6 wks old