Logan

I have got to record some of the facts about this boy of mine, lest I ever forget what an absolute character he was as a 4 yr. old. More, is that I want him to know what he was like as a little guy. (This post will entertain only me, and maybe dad too.) I have a lot of lost ground to cover in order for him to feel contented with the update. He knows that I haven't written in his scrapbook/journal for almost a year, and he says its a rip-off. So here it goes.

Logan wakes the house up every morning with oodles of vigor and vim. He doesn't sleep more than 10 hours, but only now is beginning to make it through an entire day without a nap. He still falls asleep in odd places, and can 'accidentally' as he calls it, fall asleep in an instant. Bed time requires 1-3 stories from mom or dad followed by begging for me to lay with him if he hasn't already conked out. He often makes his own food, and loves to help me cook. Logan talks to himself often, and gets into some major dialogue with his cars and planes. The boy is not a fan of lotion, jeans, spicy toothpaste, tomatoes, getting his hair combed, or listening to people blow their noses. He loves to wear sleeveless jerseys and basketball shorts whenever possible. His fav foods are Cafe Rio, corn on the cob, mom's tacos, popsicles, blueberry waffles, spaghetti, pineapple, ranch, corndogs, icecream, and ketchup.

Friends and relatives are a HUGE deal to Logan. So is remembering to flush the toilet. He needs friends around as often as I can find one for him. Favorite hobbies are ice skating, long bike rides, playing b-ball with dad, rocking out on rock band, building forts/clubhouses, and pretending that he is on a team. Logan plans parties a lot. Once in a while, I follow through with throwing one. He moves in strange ways and loves to 'breakdance and trick' for me and dad to music. His favorite songs are Thunder Struck (ACDC), Sweet Emotion (Aerosmith), and Eye of the Tiger (Survivor). He also really likes CCR, Abba, and Bon Jovi. I'm not joking even a little.

I think that a few of these next characteristics make Logan a peculiar little boy. Logan's brain is always curious about concepts that are a bit over his head. He asks a lot of questions about Jesus coming, and mentions it frequently. He talks about poor people a lot, and what it must feel like to not have stuff. He knows that he has a lot of that, but gets majorly offended when he is accused of acting spoiled. He also asks a lot about the people he knows that are already in heaven. He always wants to know the weather forecast, and what the plan is for the day. He is uber independent and prides himself in doing his chores. Logan complements his parents a lot, and surprises me that he is that in-tune to how he can make other people feel. He is quite sensitive and does not like to hurt or dissapoint his dad. He is very much into the idea of being a big brother because he says that he spends too much time "goofing around with just you, mom". He adores his best friend, Max. And once in a while, he asks if we can give him away and get a different dog.

On a sentimental note, Logan is the best part of every day..... he is really the main theme of every day:) He fills the space of my life with challenge, consistency, and purpose. And lets admit it, an occasional burnout. He and I have a pretty intense little relationship that could only be naturally expected after being with each other every day of his life. I'm not sure that either of us would no what to do for long without the other. I sometimes find it difficult and exhausting to raise a child with such high demands for hands-on involvement. But thankfully, that circumstance for him, has yielded a strong sense of self-assuredness (along with an interesting little mind). He knows who he is and what he wants, and for that I am grateful.

And the baby is a......

Snakes, snails, puppydog tails....
Transformers, cleats, and stinky feet.

So the little human that has been causing all the commotion is a boy!!!!!! No question about it, he made it very obvious for us! The ultra sound tech was giggling. Thanks buddy:) I was really taken off guard because my brain has only thought girl. Same with Brad and Logan. And I thought I had a good explanation as to why I have been this sick for this long! Now I know that it's just because he is a strong little boy who will be making a big noise once he is here:) So on with the blue and the testosterone! The boys were sooooo thrilled. Only one thing left to do before I begin the boy preparations..... start dressing the dog like a girl :) It was so great to finally meet him and all of his intact body parts. What a sweet little boy he is. I am now 16 weeks and he is due on July 11th. I haven't thrown up for a solid week. In fact (with a continued daily dose of my good pal zofran), I am starting to feel better every day. My mornings are going smoother than ever, i'm starting to cook and do the dishes. I think my days of hiding in my bed are almost over! Brad is off the hook.

A few giant steps in a desired direction

In the spirit of moving forward, here's the news that started in November. WE ARE PREGNANT! Well i'm pregnant, and Brad might as well be with what I've put him through! Oh hallelujah, a million times over. What an amazingly joyful feeling to be finally move toward increasing the numbers in our fam! I have felt soooo relieved that Logan will have a sibling. He deserves that, and is so absolutely ready to be a big brother. I have wanted this more than anything, and still feel overwhelmed that it came to us. I know that 3 years is nothing compared to the fertility trials that some face. But for me, I was beginning to numb out a bit, and the apathy was not a welcomed feeling. Neither was the void that can't ever seem to fill itself. I am so grateful for motherhood, and more so for the Giver of the  stewardship.  What a stressful, frustrating, faith-trying ordeal fertility can be for so many families. It's exhausting to even think about the journey! I think I need a nap.

And what a sweet victory to report on change and progress! SO, I have to jot down a few words about the other great miracle in my life. So I can barely think about how my sacrum, hips, muscles, nerves..... have felt for the last 4 years. There is no doubt that I have never been pushed to my limits more from this predicament than any other in my life. I have reached my wits end over and over and over. I've burdened so many people with the pain and needed so many favors that I never returned. I was so warn down from feeling pain all the time. It sucked the life out of me some days/weeks/months. It made me feel helpless most of the time, and hopeful other times. But God always sends that hope into your heart that keeps it pumping with some sort of excitement for a development. Because of the hope He always gave me (I usually didn't deserve it), I really tried everything in the book. At about the time that I reached Y and Z in that book, and had driven everyone crazy including myself, I found a new treatment. I didn't wake up one day to a healed body. But if I look at what I can do today compared to 8 months ago, there is no way I could have guessed that I would  progress so much in that short of a period. Or that we would ever be able to gather the resources to afford it. But Brad's job came through in the nick of time so that I could get the treatments. Now I only get better. The pain slowly goes away and my body starts to gain my trust back as I find that I can depend on it to get me through the day. And it does more than that. My legs take me through the store, on walks, around the house day after day! I sleep at night. I drive and travel in the car. The thought of it all just baffles me. It takes me back every so often, that I am totally performing to meet the expectations of the day. I have a long way to go, but the struggle is soooo bearable now! I always know what I should and shouldn't do to manage my days. No guessing, no paying unexpected consequences. My muscles are predictable. And scronny! But I can fix that one. I want to scream out that i'm sorry and that its not a big deal anymore! I'm fine! And I hope that I will never go one day without respecting the gift of health and strength. It's not an expectation. It's a gift from God that we get to enjoy every day. Someday I am going to climb a really big mountain. I'm going to ride down roads really, really fast. I'm going to be strong enough to do whatever I want to do.:)

So what have I learned? What's my point? That God's plan is 1 million times more beautiful and perfect than our own. That if we really want His plan for us to be the one that unfolds in front of our eyes (albeit slowly), we have to be willing to fold up our own cute little maps and put them in our pockets. We have to try to read and decode and follow His map the best we can, and be extra happy when our maps start to look more like His as we go. Sometimes we have to work hard for clues and signs that we are going the right way. Really hard. We have to be reminded that we get lost when we're lazy, dangit. Some trials will come full circle and we'll be able to see reasoning for the timing and circumstances. They will get wrapped up in some sort of cute, tight bow. Other trials will seem to go without explanation or purpose at all. They'll never get wrapped up. They'll continue to look messy, like a toddler was handling them the whole time. And we still need to be equally grateful that God manifested his love by allowing us the struggle. Ahhhh, not easy. I can guarantee that I will continue to forget, re-learn, and then remember these same lessons in other ways for the rest of my life. For now, peace.

Going private, so help me out:)

Alright, here I go. Breathe. I have not blogged in a long, long time. A rebellion was not necessarily in order. My mind was taken by new news the moment November began, and I have not felt well enough to share anything since- as if writing about life would just make me throw up again? Hmmm. Maybe it was more the fact that I have only felt like writing for myself and family and close friends, and was too lazy to gather e-mails I needed to go private. Either way, there have been events and happenings that can't go without being recorded in the journal. And I have to go private before I care about writing again. So I best get it in gear! I've been kind of repelled by blogging since I added a sitemeter widget. I was curious to see who might be visiting the site. There are a few weird things/people out there that I've grown uncomfortable with (Like from places across the ocean where you know you don't know anyone). Moving on, I need emails so I can send invites, please:) annieharker@yahoo.com. Thanks! Send them fast!

Couldn't resist

Check out Logan serenading the dog....and here are the masterpieces from last night.

Disney Overload

Last week we decided to stop thinking about going to Disneyland. We needed to either quit filling Logan's mind with all of it's majesty and wonder, or buck up and go. So, us and the Harwoods all cozied up in the same vehicle and braved the adventure. And that, it was. I will share the highlights:)

• Justin maintained his serious co-dependency issue with the Onstar Navigation chick. We listened to her encouragement and advice beginning the instant we hit the freeway in St. George, and ending once safely home. (Doesn't sound so bad? Have your child's movie interrupted every 2 minutes only to hear a strange woman affirm that you are to 'stay on the I-15.')
  
• Reese and Logan enjoyed each other with every bit as much zeal as they used to terrorize each other. Lilly was marvelous the entire trip. Steph took one for the team whenever the princess-related lines called for patience.
  
• After Brad and Justin got us out of our stay at the 4-star rat hole known as the 'Annabella' they worked some swingin' deals on the rest of the stay at the Hyatt.
  
• I took tramadol mid-day and started jumping around like a firecracker just when everybody was utterly spent. Thus, we never made it past 9:00 in the park.
• Favorite Rides: Everything in California Adventures (Aladdin broadway show, Mickey-mouse playhouse, the parades, Bug's life, River raft, Cali screamer, tower of terror), and the old classics at Disney.
  
• Favorite lines: The wheelchair accessible ones, thanks to the friend who needed it. We couldn't imagine how miserable the days would have been waiting in the normal lines. They were insane.
• Justin was absolutely terrified to be in the gondola on the ferris wheel. Brad about wet his pants from laughing every time he got the opportunity to ride a roller coaster with Justin. This sound bit will explain it. YOU HAVE TO LISTEN:

Ode to October

We had a great time at the lake this last weekend. Friday- Quail Lake with the Farrers. Saturday- Sand Hollow with the Harwoods. Logan loves boating/double-dog daring with his little buddies. As for the adults, thank goodness we were shameless enough to wear my parent's oh-so-small rockin' wetsuits from the late 80's. They kept Brad and I toasty warm while we enjoyed the first good water we've had all year. They would have kept others warm if our friends would ever actually get in the water. We need new friends. Oh well....I have a feeling that the boating days are over for a while now. Boooo. Okay, I am over it now. Bring on the ground sports.




This is Logan getting his groove on!


Max got surfing lessons.

Totally freaked out

Okay, so I will post all about our family vacation to Cali. Tomorrow. For now, I just have to say that I am totally horrified and down right shocked. So what if Jessica Simpson's maltipoo got killed by coyotes? As if that would ever happen to my maltipoo. I have been sooo proud of Max lately. Barks at the door to go to the bathroom, no accidents, runs to me instead of away when he does sneak out, doesn't jump on the table to eat my food anymore, only mounts strangers..... All of the hard work is finally paying off! So in good faith, I have been letting him out without a leash at night to do his business. It just so happens that he is afraid of the dark, and therefore comes back inside the second he is done.

Well, he didn't come right back in tonight. I ran out to yell for him and spotted a coyote leaping out of my yard and into the street. The nerve. I swear that if I ever see that mongrel again, I will blow him up. Dirty, evil animal. He should really just stick to the dog-sized rabbits which are so plentiful in this place. I realized tonight that Max is our adorable baby and as such, he better be invincible. I think he found the event a bit exciting, as he is begging to go back out.... I said he was cute, not smart.

Cliff's notes on our month

Our daily life is definitely a complex, chaptered book. And if I have any hope to keep an up-to-date family journal, I am going to need to learn to settle with a quick reference version of our life. In pamphlet form. Bullet-point even. So here is a brainstorm as it pertains to the last several weeks:

• Found a way for the Harwood family to yet again be our neighbors, as it once was in the Idaho scene- same ward, street, and all. 
  
• Began Logan's adventures in soccer. Why is his jersey all wet in these pics? Because he ripped it off, threw it down, and then peed behind the city building with his shirt at his feet. Nice;)
• Watched Stephanie run by my house every morning while I contemplate what it might feel like to actually exercise. 
• Got my next round of prolotherapy. AND, it is totally working. Hallelujah, praise the heavens.
• Lots of movie parties and pool parties and extra bodies sleeping over in our home. I have loved having so many people around.
• Found a dead rat in the bottom of the pool and launched it into space with the net cleaner. Found a shiny, long, black and white King snake in Harwood's garage. Nasty
• Smiled as the cockroach population has drastically decreased with the cooler weather.
• Experienced weather in the 90's rather than the 100's. Lovely. 
• Went with Tiffany to Annie at the Tuacahn ampitheater.
• Celebrated Brad's 30th birthday with a media/technology overload. He is still giving me grief about not getting him a cake. I continue to explain that if we had more than 5 friends, the birthday would have warranted a celebration, and therefore, cake. 
• Taught Max to sit and got his peeing on the carpet habit down to once/day. uggghh. Max's vet called to our attention that in 6 weeks, he has grown from 3 pounds to 11.5 pounds. Now that's what I call a growth spurt. 

Amy Dawn Wilde

July 04, 1978 ~ September 03, 2009

"Our Beloved Daughter and Sister returned home to her Heavenly Father to walk with the angels, leaving behind her parents; Theresa Larsen of Sandy, Utah and Scott and Karen Wilde and their family, Nichole, Brittany, and Nathan of Ammon, Idaho; her brothers, Eric (Laurice) Wilde of Orem, Utah and Christopher Truxal of Sandy, Utah; Her sisters, Hollie (Tyson) Crook of West Jordan, Utah and Natalie (Jeff ) Madsen of Hurricane, Utah. Amy also left behind 3 nephews and 1 niece who loved her dearly. Amy, you are free now, our sweet girl. You are the wind beneath our wings." This is the obituary of my sweet cousin. Amy was diagnosed with a form of Muscular Dystrophy called Fredrick's Ataxia when she was 9 years old. The doctors speculated that she would pass away by her teen years. She sure showed them wrong. She died at the age of 31, tired and ready to move on from such a compromising mortal existence. I wish that I had spent more time with her as adults. The perspective I could have gained.... Our Father in Heaven must only call very loyal souls to endure a life of so much pain and sorrow, in order to bring about a greater work. Now you can see and walk and run! No more electric wheelchair for you! Oh, what Heaven must feel like after being stuck in earthly confines for so long. Party on Amy, you lucky girl. And go find that gorgeous man who has been waiting for you to get to Heaven.